Lost In Time
by MistyShimmer
Summary: My name is Isabella Marie Swan. I should have died yesterday. If my body still had a beating heart, I would have. It’s a long story, but I guess all I have is time. You don’t however.
1. Where I am now

My name is Isabella Marie Swan. I should have died yesterday. If my body still had a beating heart, I would have. It's a long story, but I guess all I have is time. You don't however. Trust me, I know, I can hear your beating heart, and it wont be long until your life comes to a blissful end. So for your sake, I'll try to keep this short.

For years my life has been blissful, wonderful, and remotely uneventful. Aside from the inevitable moving from town to town, and the occasional encounter with an enraged soul, life, or should I say existence ran smoothly.

It wasn't long after Renesmee's wedding to dear Jacob that things became… different. So we'll start there. The wedding.


	2. The Wedding

Renesmee was officially 18 now, and she hated me for it. She hadn't physically aged in about 6 years, and she was well beyond her years mentally. For those 18 years she was mine though, she was ours, mine and Edwards. Today would be the last day for me to say that she was mine. In all of about 3 hours she would belong to my once best friend. The only person aside from Edward that I ever would have given my heart to, and now in a sense, I guess I was giving him my heart. Renesmee, my heart.

I could hear her heart beating frantically as I helped her zip up her dress. It brought back blurry memories of my own wedding to Edward. I remembered being hardly able to breath, the way my feet seemed to want to run out from under me, and the way nothing seemed real until I saw his face. "You're beautiful." I gasped, looking at her in the mirror over her shoulder. Alice and Rosalie walked up behind her and nodded, speechless.

She hugged me then, and I could hear that she seemed to be holding something back. She was trying not to cry. "It'll be great," I cooed into her ear rubbing her back soothingly, "you'll be wonderful. Remember, this day is for show, the love being brought together is for eternity. You're going to be amazing." I hugged her tighter, and she touched her hand to my face.

Images of me holding her as a child, reading her my favorite stories, and then pictures of Edward and I rang through my mind. I was truly grateful for her gift, she could say so much more with memories rather than words.

I sat her down in a chair in the middle of the room, and got an old button up shirt from the closet. "You're going to need this, so you don't get anything on that dress." She carefully buttoned every button, right up to the neck. I smiled. "Alice," I nodded giving her my approval, "I think you and Rosalie have it from here."

"Thanks" she smiled and hugged me. "She looks just like you" she whispered into my ear. I smiled, and sat on the bed to watch her work her magic. For years Renesmee had been Alice's personal Barbie doll. I had seen so many different styles of make up and clothing on my beautiful daughter thanks to Alice. I reminisced in my memories of Renesmee's childhood while they continued to fix and fuss with her.

"Okay." A light voice said victoriously, shaking me out of my reverie. I looked up only to see an angel. There she was, the same dress I wore on my wedding day, her hair half up, half down, blonde tendrils of hair delicately framing her face, her eyes shone with hope, she was everything, I couldn't wait to see Jacob and Edward's face.

"You're an Angel. I've never seen anyone look so radiant." I smiled. Rosalie looked at me a little shocked, like she couldn't believe what I was saying and she moved her hands in front of her body as if to say 'Never seen ANYONE look so radiant'. I laughed a little, that was typical Rosalie. "I am going to go downstairs, make sure everyone is getting ready. I'll be waiting at the bottom of the stairs for you." She nodded and I made my way down the staircase I had missed so much.

I was home, for the first time in 15 years, we had made it back to Forks. To the house hiding in the woods where I had married my dearest Edward. I ran my hand along the wall, remembering. Down the stairs I went, to see Charlie, Billy, Edward, and Jacob. The boys, would be waiting eagerly to know what was going on, and I couldn't wait to see Charlie, I was so glad I didn't have to be dead to him. I smiled warmly at the thought.

As I ended my descent Esme came into view and rushed to meet me at the bottom stair. "How is she doing?" she asked, eyes alight with excitement.

I hugged her openly, welcoming her. "She's great, she's beautiful. This is going to be amazing. I'm so glad that you could help plan all this." I said as I smiled toward her. I was taking in all of our family as I looked over her shoulder. "She's almost ready to come down and get this started… Have you seen Edward?"

"He's out sweetheart, he said he would be back before anything could happen." she smiled at me, and I headed out towards the crowd of family.

"Thanks Esme" I called out over my shoulder as I began to search for Charlie.

Before I knew it, Music had begun playing and I was waiting at the bottom of the stairs. Jacob was handsome as ever waiting at the end of the aisle, and my breath caught in my throat as I saw Alice and Rosalie begin down the stairs. Edward squeezed my hand gently. And then I saw her. "Stunning. Just like her mother." Edward stated as he moved forward, his arm held out for her.

They walked down the aisle effortlessly, toward Jacob, toward her future, toward the loss of our child. I began to weep tearlessly, she wouldn't stay with us, she would leave with Jacob, to the reservation, to live near forks, near her grandfather Charlie, and her and Jacob would live happily ever after on the reservation like they were supposed to, like everyone else I knew did.

It was a beautiful night. That wedding will be remembered forever.

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**A/N : Im sorry this is short. Its been so long since I wrote anything, let alone a whole story. I was really into this story when I began, and this particular part wasnt at the top of my favorite list for writing. I really wish I could just write the end. LOL I know that sounds pathetic and Im sorry. If you read my profile page, you'll see that writing a whole story is difficult for me. But I am trying. Please hound me down if I dont. If I had a choice I would do all one shots. But most of my ideas are worthy of so much more. ANYWHOOO... REVIEW please. pretty please? I'll be your best friend :P**


	3. The Hunt

My first all girl outing since Renesmee's wedding had just finished. We had gone shopping. There were bags filling the car; really Alice needed a shoppers anonymous class to rid her of her obsession. Laughing to myself, I opened to the door to the house only to be greeted by Edward. "How was your day?" I had to say something so he wouldn't ask questions about the shopping trip. The last thing I needed was for Alice to offer a fashion show of our newest garments.

"Hmm. It was rather boring. Emmett and I went hunting earlier, and other than that I've just been listening to some music, mulling over some old photos, and thinking. Really, what else would I have been doing? How was your shopping trip? Get anything good?" A small smirk moved across his lips with his final words. He winked at Alice.

"It was great. We got so many new things. Beautiful fall colors!" Alice sighed. "Chiffon, satin, and oh the silk! You should see it all Edward!" she returned his smirk.

"Please don't subject me to any more clothing Alice!" I whined. If I were human I would have passed out with how many things she had me try on. "I am starving! Let us avoid the fashion show and go hunting instead?" My eyes pleaded with her, begging, and she eyed me assessing my real need. "Please, it'll go along with our girls day out, c'mon! Just me you and Rose??" She smiled at me, I had won. "YES!"

"Fine, but when we come back that's it, you're putting everything on! No if's and's or but's about it missy!" She spoke while pointing her finger at me sternly. "Now, Edward, we are going to go hunting." she smiled, "and you are going to bring the bags in from the car?" She flashed her teeth towards him, knowing he would say yes. "Thank you." She grabbed my hand, and we began to walk out of the house. "Rose?" she hesitated.

"Sorry guys, but I kind of promised Emmet that I would be with him after our shopping adventure. But you go ahead. Have fun without me." She smiled and waved, and Alice and I continued out of the house.

"Lets go somewhere new." I was sick of the monotonous hunting that we had been doing within the borders of our home. "I want fresh smells, Fresh meat, new territory." She nodded, and we began to run.

Flying through the trees we went, not too fast, we were in no rush, but at the same time it was no where near as slow as we could have been going, no where near human pace. Finally, after about a few hours we were someplace that I hadn't seen. The trees here were much sparser, and the foliage was dry, as if this place hadn't seen rain in more than a week. I breathed in deep, I could smell the earth, dry, hearty, and in my mind I was in Phoenix again. "Bella?" Oh, it was Alice, I must have zoned out into a memory.

"Sorry, I'm not used to smelling such dry earth. It made me think of Phoenix, then Renee, and, never mind." I sniffed the air. "Mmm. What is that?" I looked at Alice, this was a scent that I had not yet experienced.

She breathed in deeply now, tasting the air, and smiled. "That, Bella, is fresh elk blood, and mountain lion. I was sure you would recognize it." And now that she said it I did.

"Its just different, they're melded so well. Like a cross breed or something." We began walking towards the smell, and then I saw it. Out in the distance was a beautiful mountain lion, must be 2 years old, full of muscle, it had a small gash on its leg, and it was feeding on a full grown Elk. That would explain why the scents were so strongly mixed. Before I could even think about it, or ask Alice if she wanted it, I had gone after the mountain lion.

The mountain lion looked up from her prey just as I was inches away from her, and didn't even have time to react before I had snapped her neck between my hands and began biting into her flesh. I could never get used to how primal this felt, like making love it came naturally, and the warm gush of blood into my mouth was almost as satisfying. At that thought, I longed for Edward. Something about hunting always made me want to be with him next. You could say I was greedy, but to me it was amazing, the hunt was my high, and Edward's touch was the electrifying catalyst that pushed me over the edge.

I hid the body in a near by cave, knowing that a bear would come by eventually and enjoy my scraps, and then I began to look for my dear sister. I ran for a swift minute following her sent when I came upon her, she had found the heard that my lion had found earlier. She was just finishing off her Elk, and compared to her it was gigantic, like seeing a toddler attacking a cow. I began to walk up to her as I saw heard the elk's pulse fade into oblivion, I knew she was done. "Delicious?" I asked so as not to catch her off guard.

"Unbelievable. I'm glad you got me to go somewhere new. Remind me to come to Montana more often." She smiled, and I followed her as she began moving to hide the carcass. "How was that mountain lion?"

"Almost godly. It's been so long since I've had one of those." We began to run, chatting along the way, just trying to get home before dawn.

It was about 5 in the morning when we reached the edge of the Cullen estate, and we eased our pace as we approached the house.

We walked into the living room to find Jasper sitting on the couch by himself. "Bella?" He asked with confusion on his face. I raised my eyebrow like he had lost it and Alice jumped onto his lap kissing him on the cheek. "Sorry, its just…" he shook his head, "I don't know, I guess. I just. I thought you were home." He shook his head again, and I just nodded, assuming all the years had finally caught up to him. Besides, I was off to find my Edward, I wanted to watch the sunrise.

I imagined my attack plan as I ascended the stairs, he would be sitting in the room, and a soft lullaby would be playing from his stereo, as he sat looking heatedly at sheets of music paper just trying to figure out what notes to put next to complete his melody. Just as he would get frustrated and put his pencil down, I would come up behind him, kiss his cheek, and suggest that the rising sun should be his muse. And we would race up the trees together only to watch the sun rise and we would exist together.

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A/N: So, I realize that it has been a while since I've updated, but at least I've updated. The next chapter should be coming sooner. I would love comments, and Suggestions. Please feel free to fill me in on my weaknesses and strengths. I love to hear anything about anything, and Just so its clear, Reviews make it easier to write lol. Well, I hope everyone is enjoying what has been of the new year, and that it will only get better from here. TTFN

-The girl named Shadow


	4. Opening the door

I could hear his music play softly as I noiselessly turned the doorknob to our room. Beneath the music, I could hear a sigh, 'he must be frustrated' I thought. The door opened slowly as I was beginning my stealthy decent upon him, and then I saw it.

I froze in my place, silent, standing in the door frame, and if it could've, my heart would've shattered. Two alabaster bodies moved in synchronization, grabbing primitively at each other, and then I heard a breathy sigh "Edward".

My stomach lurched at the word. I couldn't move, I was frozen in place waiting, for what I didn't, know, perhaps for me to realize it was all a crazy delusion; and then I heard it, "Mmm, Tanya" he moaned, moving his face to her neck and burying himself into her strawberry blonde hair as he thrust hungrily into her. That was not my name. That was not me. Realization began to sink in, and I let out a gasp.

Apparently, my presence was now known, and they turned to look at me. Shock spread across their features and they laid there, heads turned, mouth agape, and still entwined. "How could you?" I whispered. Everything in me was breaking piece by piece, and I turned my back on them wishing desperately that I could crumble into nothing and mix with dirt, ceasing to exist.

I walked down the stairs, desperate to get away. Jasper and Alice turned towards me when they noticed my footsteps on the stairs. I could see myself through them, through there expressions, I could feel how I looked, empty. I couldn't even cry. I was shocked. The images kept playing through my mind, over and over again, each time zooming in closer on every detail; damn this vampire mind of mine!

"Bella?" Jasper and Alice said in unison. I just shook my head, not knowing what to say, if I could even speak. "What's wrong?" I shook my head and walked past them, out to the garage.

I was shaking as I stepped lightly into the silver Audi that was Edward's. His smell rushed around me shaking me to the bone with grief. I closed the door locking myself in the car. Gripping the steering wheel I was about to start the car when my chest contracted, pushing all air that occupied my lungs out, and pain surged through me, a tight squeezing over my entire body. My emotions had me in a vice, and they weren't letting go.

I sobbed. Dry painful sobs. I imagine they wrecked my body for a good ten minutes before I jumped, startled by a knock on the window. Jasper.

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**A/N: Very, very short, I realize, and I apologize. But It's filled with a lot to comprehend, for Bella at least. I hope you're enjoying thus far. Feedback would be appreciated. Decent amount of hits, but no new reviews :(. Anyways, Hope to post more soon. **

**-Shadow**

**p.s. I pray that this is the first story i finish =P**


	5. The Beginning of My End

**A/N: I apologize for the long wait, so without further prolonging, I present to you, The Beginning of My End.**

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I turned the key in the ignition, and rolled down the window, restraining the sobs that threatened my body. "Yea?" I said looking up to him.

"Can I come in?" he said motioning to the other side of the car. I just nodded, rolling up the window.

His movements were swift as he moved around the car, and I heard the "click" of the door as it opened. I could feel the car shift slightly as he sat down, and then his hand ran up and down my back. "Bella," he said moving my chin slightly to look at him, "what happened in there? You're feeling so much, and to be honest, it hurts. Please talk to me." His eyes were filled with concern and sincerity, it was hard not to trust him.

I could feel my body begin to shake as I tried to think of the words. "I-I-I…" I didn't know quite where I was going with this; did he want to know this about his brother, did he want to know exactly why I felt the way I felt, everything that led up to everything? I didn't even know. "I, I don't know Jasper." I felt him wrap his arms around me, and I cried into his chest until I could think of something to say.

"Shhhh… Bella… shhh." he cooed, soothing me. I could feel his waves of calm attempt to wash over me, but it wasn't working. I tried to relax, but every time I did a spasm of grief ran through me undoing all that Jaspers gift could do.

I looked up from his chest. "Jasper." I paused and stared helplessly into his eyes. "It was Edward… Edward and Tanya." My voice was shaky and barely above a whisper now, but I was finally able to subdue the tears the wouldn't fall. His eyes widened with surprise at my words, and I knew this wasn't what he had expected. "They were… he was…I walked in, and they were…" I couldn't bring myself to say the words, but Jasper nodded as he understood.

"I'm so sorry Bella." He squeezed me firmly into his chest as I began to cry again. "This never should've happened to you" I could feel his chin resting on my head and we sat there. "I cant believe this Bella", he pulled me away from his chest, "I've got to go back, I'm sure Alice is insane with worry. Its okay if I tell her?" He asked, genuinely hoping for me, feeling my pain, and through his eyes I could see that he wished he could wash it all away. I felt a wave of calm yet again attack me, and this time I let it.

"Yea," I said, wanting to get away. "You go inside, and I'll just be in here." I pointed down towards the emergency break. With that, he nodded and opened the door, and going inside.

I remember that when he left, I felt lonelier than I had ever felt, like the entire world was moving around me, and I was left untouched in a bubble of unaffected space. Taking two deep breaths, I steadied my body, started the car and backed out of the garage. My mind went quickly to Jasper and Alice, but I stopped myself, after all I had told him that I would be right here. Its not my fault that right here happened to have the ability to travel.

I raced away, faster than I ever could have ran, and where I was going I didn't know. It didn't matter where I went. The image of them in my mind wouldn't leave me. Every time I closed my eyes, every time I tried to think of something happy, his face would come into my mind, only to be shattered by the words "mmm, Tanya."

I gripped the steering wheel tighter, threatening the integrity of the material. The sun was mostly over the horizon now, and the red it cast across the sky was breathtaking, or at least it should have been, if it hadn't been yanked away from me at the sight of them. Everything about them sickened me.

I had made it to the Washington border, and then I felt it, a slight vibration in my pocket. Annoyed, I pulled the small device from my pocket, and answered "Hello?"

"Bella?" It was Edward. I hung up.

What right did he have to even speak my name? "Ugh!!" I screamed. Frustration over took me now. What hadn't I given him? I gave him everything! He gave me nothing!

I gave him a beautiful little girl, so many years of my life; hell, I had given him my life!

Again the phone began to vibrate, and I answered. "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT?!" I had no patience in me for him.

"Bella, listen, its not what you think."

"NOT WHAT I THINK?! IM NOT THE 17 YEAR OLD VIRGIN THAT I WAS WHEN WE MET!"

"That's exactly it!"

I hung up again.

What did he mean "That's exactly it"? I just wanted to disappear. All of this was swamping my mind with deluded thoughts and worst of all the images from earlier that day, its like it was burned on the inside of my eyelids.

Everything inside of me was burning, and worst of all was the self pity. I pressed my foot heavily into the gas pedal, and the car pushed over 120. The engine roared, and I envied it, so strong, so powerful, and so dangerous. I wanted so badly to be all of those things so that I could get back at him, even the odds, take from him what he took from me.

Before I had even realized, the car went smashing into a massive wall of rock that was bordering the highway. Who am I kidding, with this mind, nothing is done without thought, I knew what I was doing. The sound of crunching metal is unmistakable, and unforgettable. His precious Audi was totaled, beyond recognition.

Everything was black around me, I could feel heat, smell smoke, I half way hoped that I was dead, or even dieing, but I could feel that I was just fine. It would just be too easy, although, the heat could work for me. Flammable skin was one of the few drawbacks of my kind.

Everything in my being made me want to move away from the heat, yet the dull aching that I felt in my chest made me want to stay. I could feel it moving closer, the temperature of the air slowly rising around me. Then I felt the flames begin to lick at my skin, and I savored the pain. It brought me back to how this whole thing started. This whole mess that I had learned to call my life, my existence. Once it hit, it seared across my skin, like a match hitting gasoline.

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**A/N: So, I hope that was enjoyable, do feel free to let me know, likes dislikes, areas for improvement. I am working on length, and i realize that this still isnt as long as it should be. This is a short story though, so I feel what is written is fairly appropriate. One more chapter, and it should be done. Perhaps there will be a sequel, I havent put much thought to it :)**

**Anywho, REVIEW :) thank you**


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